From Chapter 6, Dog and Driver: When Denny and Katrina first brought me home, I wanted no part of riding in a car. I didn’t care what anybody said—I wasn’t about to trust a room that moved. And once you got out on the highway, you had to contend with all those other moving rooms with people trapped in them. They were probably just minding their own business, watching television or eating dinner, when all of a sudden the room took off. I couldn’t figure out why all those people weren’t screaming right along with me. But soon I began to realize that the car was the only room in the whole house that would move like that, and it only seemed to do it when Katrina or Denny sat in it and poked around for a few seconds. I started to get used to riding in the car, and then I grew to love it. Many of my doggy friends hate riding in cars, just as I did. I hope that a few tips can turn automobile travel into a pure joy. The first thing to keep in mind is that you are far safer riding in a car than you are trotting down the side of the highway on your own. You can be sure that all those poor creatures you see lying along the road were not riding in cars when they became a statistic. The key to an enjoyable car ride resides in a few basics. It is crucial that you sit in the driver’s lap at all times. To insure that this happens, as soon as the car door is opened, jump onto the driver’s seat and lie down. The driver will not be able to get in until he bends over and picks you up, and then the easiest thing for him to do is to sit down and put you on his lap. Other passengers may try to get you to sit in their laps, but pay no attention to them. As mere passengers they have no status. You are the only other soul in the car that can share the prestige of the driver’s seat, so take full advantage of it. I hate radar! When stopped at a light, I recommend looking out the side window and trying to get the attention of the people in the cars alongside. Pretend to get very excited when they see you. If you do this well, the other drivers will be so intent on watching you and appreciating how cute you are that they won’t notice when the light changes, and you will get a good head start on them. Little old ladies seem the most susceptible to this ploy, so save your best efforts for them. Learning to recognize the sound of the blinker is an important element in riding in a car. When you hear that sound, it means that your driver needs your help in turning the steering wheel. Stand up with your back legs planted firmly in the driver’s lap, and put your front paws over the top of the steering wheel. Learn how to shuffle your paws over the top of the wheel as it turns to keep from losing your balance. In this position you may very well block your driver’s view of the road, so it is very important that you add just the right amount of steering input to help point the car in the right direction. Whenever your driver stops the car and opens the window to talk to someone, you must act as if you want to kill that person. The reason is that in most cases he or she is about to take money from your owner, money that could have been spent on you. It is very important that you indicate in no uncertain terms just how mad this makes you, so that it won’t happen again. The one exception to this rule is when stopping at a drive-in bank window. This is for two reasons. One is that your owner may actually be getting money to spend on you, so let the bank humans do their job. Second, if you act like a sweet dog the bank human will often send out a biscuit for you. Because of this, do not let your owner bank by mail or use ATMs, because this way of doing business is totally unfair to dogs. Something you never want to do in a car is throw up. Humans don't seem to like this. If you feel that you must, my advice is to do what I did: aim so that the barf goes down between the seats where it can't be seen. This eliminates the need for a big cleanup job, something your owner will appreciate.